Finding Beauty in Aging.

In American society, youth and beauty rule.  We are the home of Hollywood stars, supermodels, and famous musicians, all of whom feature the glory and pitfalls of beautiful people’s lives.  From my perspective at 58 years old, I am constantly bombarded with many ways to appear younger, and, frankly, I often buy in.  I color my hair, wear Spanx, use the latest wrinkle potions, whiten my teeth, and don’t even get me started about hormones!  It may be difficult to be a woman in any society, but ours seems exceptional.  After all, we have a song: “Only the Good Die Young.”   

Almost everything in this dining room is vintage mid-century, including the colorful kilim rug! Photography by Mali Azima.

Truth be told, the alternative to dying is finding ways to accept the aging process.  And before you think me too vain, please know that I find it difficult to write about this subject. Mainly because I do not want to alienate my younger friends or have my older friends think that I am not even in it yet.  Hoping to find common ground, I’ll start with something I know: interior design.  In design, I strive to include several vintage pieces.  Those items make the room feel more comfortable while adding an element of surprise. They add interest and patina, preventing the room from feeling too contrived or new.  Wait!  I have patina, does that make me more interesting and unique?  Read on.

A picture from a potential client who has furnished her home entirely from thrift stores, estate sales, and consignment shops. She was bold enough to splurge on this adorable seal door stop.

Last week, I met an 88-year-old potential client for an initial consultation.  We sat down, and she explained how she ended up in her condo after years of living across the country with her husband.  Since his passing, she decided to move back into the place they had owned in their younger days that they had rented out for decades.  She had no furniture when she moved in, having left it all in California.  For the past 2 years, she has furnished exclusively with items from thrift shops, consignment stores, and estate sales.  Considering all of her sources, you might expect her home to be a jumble without direction, but her house was so interesting and unexpected!  She called me to help her pull it all together, yet she really did not need much help. She knew herself, knew quality, and knew her budget, and this place was truly special. Knowing yourself is a vital part of aging gracefully.  I cannot wait to see this woman again; her energy and enthusiasm were beautifully humble, and she made me feel very important.   

These are the books that inspired this post. Both are priceless yet well-priced.

The Japanese have a word for the art of finding beauty in aging: Shibui. The word conveys a nuanced aesthetic roughly translated as subtle, refined, or elegant.   Shibui refers to an understated beauty that emphasizes simplicity and a natural point of view, rather than an ostentatious statement.  Hmm… sounds good, kind of like what I search for when using vintage pieces in my designs or what this client exhibited in her small condo.

Recently, I found a quote in one of my favorite books: Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  This day-by-day book starts most of my mornings and continues to share something new even after a decade of reading.  

“Repose is a quality too many undervalue.  In the clamour, one is irresistibly drawn to the woman who sits gracefully relaxed, who keeps her hands still, talks in a low voice and listens with responsive eyes and smiles.  She creates a spell around her, charming to the ear, the eye, and the mind.”  Good Housekeeping, November 1947.

I rarely exhibit this calm, quiet demeanor, but I have learned to listen better as I have gotten older. And by listening, people feel heard and important. Sarah encourages me to evolve and embrace the woman that I am becoming day by day, year by year.

These vintage campaign safari chairs, coffee table, and rug surprise the guests of this recently built guest house. Photography by Mali Azima.

So here I am back to the question of how to find beauty in aging.  It’s not easy, especially when comparing myself to someone else who may be younger, smarter, and more beautiful.  But as Theodore Roosevelt once said: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Feelings of inadequacy, stemming from misplaced vanity or from a perception of someone based on their social media, are not helping anyone.  As I get older, I am slowly realizing this fact.  A confident older woman is beautiful; she knows her style, knows what she likes, and exudes warmth and grace. She is also like a vintage piece, her value increases once you know her story, and you can appreciate her patina. She is a woman worth knowing. 

 So are you.  So am I.  

Until next week,

Stephanie